This is our interpretation of the 1986 Jim Henson and David Bowie film "Labyrinth"
I took the baby for her first blood test today. I had to drive to a special office called LabCorp for the blood taking. What ever happened to doctors office's doing everything and specialists actually specializing in something SPECIAL? Taking blood is one of the first things doctors and nurses learn to do, but they no longer actually take blood? I know its an insurance thing, but it still makes no sense that patients have to spend time going to the doctors office, and then spend more time going to a LabCorp so they can take your blood. Great allocation of time. At least I didn't have to use up vacation time on it.
This is the first time I've gone to a LapCorp. I don't go to doctors. I recently (two years ago) went to my primary care after years of dodging it. I hate extremely sterile places (I.E. hospitals, doctors offices, ect.) and avoid them at all costs (the birthing experience was rather difficult for me to say the least but I wasn't the one giving birth). I also have issues with getting my blood taken. I don't actually pass out, but get as close to losing my dignity as you possibly can while still maintaining the minimal amount of consciousness. Essentially I'm a zombie that sweats profusely but is consciousness enough that I'm able to comprehend all the snide jokes mumbled by the nursing staff. For this reason, when I mustered up enough courage - and had an appointment scheduled by my adamant wife - to visit my primary care and found out that I'd have to schedule ANOTHER appointment strictly for blood testing I knew that there was no way that was going to happen. Appointment never made, no blood taken.
Today was the first time I've gone to a LapCorp. Today I learned Baby Manya isn't as much of a baby as I am.
That was a lie.
She's totally a baby.
LabCorp was a complete shit hole. Not entirely their fault as they are moving to a new location in three days but holy crap they really didn't care about this facility at all. It was a dump. I felt like I was at the NJDMV circa 1992 minus the lines and minus the bugs. You didn't sit down at the DMV, you could sit down at LabCorp.
The nursing staff was 99% Indian (I only say 99% because there's always the chance one is from Pakistan or Bangladesh and they would get super pissed at me if I mistook their nationality) and they were excellent. Super nice. Super good at their job. They also loved Manya and all crowded around helping each other and trying to make the baby comfortable. Seriously, there were four nurses and doctors enjoying the baby. Well, it was either that they just thought she was really cute or they all wanted to watch me sweat profusely at the sight of blood.
I for some reason was under the impression that baby blood taking was done through the heel. I was mistaken. Nine month olds get blood taken from their arm just like adults but with a much smaller needle. The needle was so small it was almost cute... almost, because its attached to a tube that makes the whole blood taking experience look like a meth lab. A meth lab where I try not to look too disheveled and/or pass out. But it was happening. Here we go...
The nurses cooed and smiled.
I hugged the baby aka prevented her from ripping out the needle and injuring herself. And I sweat.
Manya screamed and screamed and screamed and turned about as red as a stop sign, then turned purple, then turned red again and then sweat more than I did. The nurses in mid-blood draw actually discussed the shade of red Baby Manni was turning. When it was over we all felt terrible for the diaphoretic tomato in my arms.
One of the nurses was so disheveled by it that while backing away with the blood sample she accidentally walked into the cubical wall and broke it off the wall. Seriously. That's how much of a shit hole this place was! A 105 lb nurse could accidentally break through the wall WWE style. Beast mode.
When we got home all the poor baby wanted to do was sleep.
Baby Manni resting after a hard day.